tlcorbin
Suicide, How would you do it?
March 20th 2008 23:22
I thought that Seppuku was an honorable out, but, I can't bear the thought of the missus cleaning up the mess and none of my slacker friends would agree to complete the ritual. Legal liability and all.
Hanging has never appealed to me, swinging from a rope with feces and urine filling my shorts didn't do much for me visually. Drowning in anything other than chocolate latte didn't appeal, being nibbled at for days grosses me out, so the ocean or lakes are out. I find a bullet in my head a concern, because I'd probably survive and be stuck with half a head and jaw, sigh.
Auto accident, electrical, poisons, over eating, eh. . . I've got it! A drug over dose. I'll down a few bottles of viagra and whiskey and defy the morticians to put me in a fully closed coffin.
If you were going to do yourself in, how would you do it? Or, if you didn't want to do yourself in, who would you encourage to indulge in a little self termination?
There is always cartooning as a way out. . .
Raven
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Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
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Artist Quirk
perhaps gassing yourself with the exhaust fumes from your car, drive out to some remote wilderness where none of your loved ones would find you and set up the house from your exhaust pipe to a crack in your window? it has a certain romance to it i guess . . .
morose topic but it did make me think, thanks for the post!
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
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Dragging me in off my Easter break.
Do this again and I'll save you the trouble, a quick well aimed well timed Karate chop, should do the trick.
Do it yourself fanatics bore me to death, pay someone else or just don't do it, however, if you're feeling so bad and if it saves my being dragged back in from my Easter Break, have you heard of that machine which delivers a fatal dose, when you answer the final yes/no and presumably you're going to say yes, and go out with that final buzz sitting in front of your computer.
OR, the vet drug, available dirt cheap in Mexico/Amsterdam, just swallow and away we GO.
Is that helpful, illegal, too, I suspect, I'll plead temporary insanity if I don't use the word temporary they could cut me off in the prime of my life.
So, go out in the sunshine, stop berating yourself, practice some piety today and count your blessings and do remember that great human being, that gentle soul called Jesus, and they crucified him when he was guilt free.
How quickly his brief life was extinguished so I always remember those who have passed on and would give their eye teeth to be alive again, you owe it to them to live on.
Life is a precious gift, find your way around difficulty, be grateful for that lovely wife of yours, Tisha, and don't let the bastards win.
Besides, I'd miss you on Orble, enough said.
Hunt for some meaningful music, when I'm feeling sad and lonely ......etc
I guess it's been a hard day's night. Take the pain killers but not to excess.
Watch a lovely musical to take your mind off yourself, such things are not meant to be taken lightly. See a doctor. If.......read the poem.
Love to you, my good friend, you're sorely missed on Orble despite the dirty pictures. Get the danged cat out of the hammock and freeze yourself to death out there.
katyzzz
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I gotta say...I love this topic. Adored your first paragraph, know the feeling.
I adore drugs. So, for a long time, a drug overdose appealed. I love painkillers, but that also means I know how painful they are in high concentration. I tried it once with anti dpressants....
But the drugs are out now. I rather like bleeding to death. Ive got that many self inflicted scars....But the courage to slash right through to the vien....It would take a lot, and I should know. I think, if I were ever to do it, that would be the way.
But jumping off something high appeals deeply too. You get to enjoy the view, and for your last moments on earth, your just flying. You can close your eyes and feel the wind in your face and die completely uplifted. Not just that, but the PUBLICITY! You'll always be the person who jumped off such and such, and the building will be forever famous too. And its quick!
I think its the perfect topic for Good Friday.
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
My sister killed herself with tablets, I often wonder if it was a peaceful way for her to leave or whether there was further pain. Hopefully it was gentle, more restful and peaceful.
Those are some gory methods you described, Raven. I hope you're OK.
Tracy
Comment by Wynona Lavota
Generation Y Life
I personally have considered throwing myself off an immensly tall buildng and so far that's the fore runner. See if i tried overdosing there's a chance it wouldn't work I'd make up in an institution. Drowning again may not work and I'd have a hard time explaining to anyone who finds me what I was doing, swimming in the ocean by myself, fully clothed at 2am.
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
I am not a slave to life. Life doesn't rule me. It serves me.
I'm not afraid of dying but I'm more afraid of NOT living.
So...no. Not something I have ever thought about. And I'm sure I have had times in my life...like everyone else... when it all just got a little bit too much to bear.
...but that's what tomorrow is for. Hope.
Please note. Euthanasia is a separate issue and one I support...but I say that now when I am not faced with that decision.
Each to their own. Really. And if that's how one chooses to face life...by ending it...then so be it. It's their life to waste.
But do it.
Don't just play with the emotions and sympathies of the ones who love you. I have read and been told that those that are truly suicidal do not make others aware by their words that this is something they will follow through on. Yes there are 'signs' but not 'confirmation'.
From what I understand...those that let others know that this is how they feel and think, are crying out for help. Or just being dramatic for the sake of attention.
...and unfortunately if someone wanted to play these games with me...then I have no time for that. Please. Put me out of your misery.
Fine. I'm callous and a hard nosed bitch. I'm happy to live with those names applied to me. Key word being live.
I have recently had to live with and through a situation that more than ever makes me view life as nothing but precious.
Please be well Raven.
Dusk
Comment by Ann 1
Bloganymity
I've read a lot of your posts, and always enjoy the conversational read (your conversational tone. it's my favourite type of reading). I don't know you but you seem to write like you speak, and that's easy on the eyes (reading wise).
What I'm going to write is just my observation and opinion. I'm no expert on suicide (or anything much). These are just my thoughts on this post. You are welcome to take them or leave them. They are written with the best intentions.
it seems to me that your suicidal thoughts are a natural consequence of your military service.
But you have a lovely wife. Just the thought of her alone should prevent you from ever entertaining suicidal thoughts for too long. (I would turn to her, or think of her, every time I had a suicidal thought if I lived in your shoes. And I'm sure they would vanish immediately). As I stated earlier, these are just my thoughts. I don't like giving people advice. I struggle to take my own advice. But I do like engaging with other people.
I'm glad you wrote this post. I find writing very therapeutic.
Ann.
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Hello Morgan, morose perhaps, but a reality we all consider at some level during the process of living our lives. Exhaust fumes and romantic in the same sentence, now that’s odd. Body functions be damned, I’d still lean towards the drugs, go out happy. How can you appreciate the true value of living without ever thinking about giving it up?
Ah, katyzzz, I’m not a spring chicken any more and so I honestly consider these issues. Does it mean that I am going to indulge the urge? Not necessarily, but I wouldn’t mind if a select list of undesirables acted upon the urge. The pun, most readers missed this, is that mocking a would be prophet (Shaykh Mohammed Bin Ladin), is provoking outside help with the process, e.g., suicide by cop could now be suicide by fanatic. Sorry about dragging you into the fray. But, if this will help, I’m freezing my hinder most parts off; a resultant of the frozen spring rains.
Hiya kleo, have you considered hang gliding, base jumping or a career as a non-secular cartoonist? It shows promise for ending the careers of Danish cartoonists. Good Friday is always an appropriate time to consider our ever so frail mortality. I love the thought of flying. Anyway, put any self indulgent urges on hold, there's mischief to be gotten into, and I wouldn't like you to miss out on any of it.
Hello Tracy, I am well, just pondering and curious. I have lost so many friends and family to self termination that I find myself longing for a less painful existence, physically and emotionally; I grieve with you for the loss of your sister.
Good to see you Wynona, you came the closest to recognizing the pun. Explaining such an action or even it’s failed attempts is indeed difficult, particularly at 2am.
Very perceptive DDevi, I love your quote;
Hope has kept me going for years, and will likely continue to do the same in the future. Besides, I failed at it in the past and wondered why. Now that I’ve spent many years with my Tisha, I am ever so grateful for the failure. However, without dialogue, we’d never learn who is at risk.
Wow, thank you all for your precious time and comments. Raven
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
You are correct about the relationship between my past military service and present bouts with suicidal depression; as I have unabashedly shared in the past, Tisha’s heart and love keep me grounded. I promised her years ago, that’d I’d live one day longer than she does, to comfort her during her passing, before I joined her. I’ve every intention of keeping that promise if at all possible.
However, sometimes I have to face the inner demons and when it does raise its demonic face, I blog about it to speed it on its way, and it plays a major role in my therapy.
Raven
Comment by Mike Crowl
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Comment by Optomistic Opportunism
Bohemian Hiphop
Japanese Jazz Funk
Optomystic Opportunism
I am entirely in the opposite direction.
The inner city life doesn't really allow thought for suicide, although it does happen u can bet.
Is it simply a matter of location?
I'd only be "goin out" after all my organs are wasted first. A life lived to the fullest is of greater importance than a romantic, one night stand with death...
Let whoever you fear decide your death. You're memory will be all the wiser for it. And NEVER join a cult Raven, please... you're not trying to start one are you?
Opto
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
You certainly know how to get the lines of communication buzzing.
Despite what they say (and discounting those who have been affected by fantasy land designer drugs ) - I'm convinced only the strong, selfish or brave have the guts to go through with it - no matter how desperate the situation seems.
Why rush head long into eternity - it will always be there to meet you.
I guess the question then has to be asked - about creating your own destiny - now's there's another discussion altogether.
Another can of worms my friend - and you're the perfect fisherman.
MNG
Comment by Leah Bishop
New to this
Love the one you're with. Love the one you're with. Isn't that how the song goes? Yeah but what if you hate the one you're with?
Once i get my head around that, I'll find myself touched by something (frequently the love of my mother), the fog clears and i see glimpses and examples of how lucky i actually am.
Glad you brought it up 'cos its an interesting topic this.makes a lot of people uncomfortable as i could see from the references to not being a very good time to discuss this over easter etc etc. I didn't think along those lines for one moment but after reading other comments began to wonder if there is a good or not so good time for looking at this question.
o and if i was ever to have to courage (which i dont truly think is concern), i would take the drug overdose thanks....
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Why do you think I hang around? *sly grin*
Loved that too, such true words.
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
In that context, I see the black humour of it, yet others would find this the very thing that condemns you Raven, in their eyes at least. I am not a fundamentalist myself. I also think the 'jihad' solution a droll way out...some choose policemen, poor cops.
However, apart from Tracey, who has had to deal with the suicide of her sister, and kleonpatra, who admits to attempting it herself, Mike Crowl and you yourself, all the other responses would seem to eminate from people who have not had this happen to a close friend or family member, and/or have not seriously tried it themselves, hence their not understanding the mental process leading up to the act, and especially, the moment of decision, and then action. Only those who have truly made the decision to die, know what that state is like.
It does not involve being a coward, nor is it a conscious decision to be selfish, but it can involve bravery, depending on the circumstances.
You have obviously suffered post traumatic stress syndrome, as a result of your service, it would seem that it has not been properly addressed medically. And I am sorry you have had the burden of losing close ones, so have I, and many of them, by overdose, hanging...whatever.
Maybe one day I will write about that decision, what actually does happen internally, maybe then some people will stop judging those who do it, and/or blaming themselves for not having being able to stop them.
The state, I call the 'black box', has no exits.
I survived, for whatever reason, but was not expected to do so. But, I now know where I went wrong.
I personally do not find the subject appropriate for light hearted banter, but maybe that is the only way you could approach it, for fear you would be admonished, or, well I don't know, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
Sorry, for the tone of my response, I am not in a good mood.
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
I use hyperbole as a tool, a club if you will, to force us all into examining what we fear most. But, the element of truth is never omitted; suicide is a constant companion in my life. Alaska has a very high rate of suicide, especially among the young and I find it alarming. The stats that you shared, sadly, mirror our own.
You aren’t being overly sensitive about this topic; perhaps you should consider sharing your insights with a counter post to mine and use this post as a foil to your arguments. As I acknowledged earlier, my wife has filled a void that keeps me from acting on my urges; but unconsciously, my self destructive behavior has raised havoc in the past. By exploring this morose subject, maybe we can all gain some helpful tools to combat it.
Hey, Opto, I’m definitely an anti-cult sort of dude; unless extreme channel surfing is cultish? Great comment, it is insightful and ripe with sage advice.
Hello again, MNG, good to have you visit. I was hoping to stir the pot a bit with this topic and perhaps I have; good, it’s healthy to examine our fears.
Many of those I know that have self terminated couldn’t bear the present or even consider a future. They laid the groundwork for their escape by driving anyone that cared for them away, and one day didn’t answer the door, having punched their own ticket.
I guess the question then has to be asked - about creating your own destiny - now's there's another discussion altogether.
Another topic to consider later.
Hello Leah, that first paragraph sums up the mindset of many who don’t openly express it. Easter is a time of resurrection; the perfect time to discuss this subject. Thanks for your honesty and self examination.
Kleo, I am grateful for the understanding of a kindred spirit. A good giggle is always appropriate.
Greetings Fog, in a sense Jesus chose suicide by Romans, that’ll get me into a fray I’m sure; but he did so conscientiously. The end result benefited many.
If dealing with this subject helps a single person or causes them to reconsider acting on their urges-then this has been a successful post. It is a growing pandemic, where is the despair coming from? We won’t ferret out any insights with our heads in the sand, so I chose to act and explore the various facets of suicide.
I certainly meant to stir the pot, but it wasn’t my intention to force survivors or those affected by suicide, to do anything that I am unwilling to do; which is to engage in dialog and shed light on the reality of suicide. Dark humor is my tool of choice, only because it has stayed my hands more than once and I am intimately familiar with it.
Fog, you are correct, I have PTSD and it occasionally rears its ugly head; clouding my judgment and generally upsetting my precariously balanced life. Your pain is equally apparent and I would like to encourage you to work through it openly, it’s cathartic and once lanced the true healing can begin. It is however, a life long dance and is won or lost in degrees. The tone of your response is appropriate and appreciated.
Thank you all for your comments. Raven
Comment by Mike Crowl
Webitz
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Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Comment by Ahmed
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Cinema Three
^ like that, might as well go out with a bang.
Comment by tlcorbin
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
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Artist Quirk
any time i hear the song "The End of the World" by Skeeter Davis i think of Brittany Murphy hanging herself in the bathroom after years of incest at the hands of her father in the film "Girl Interrupted"
Why do these eyes of mine cry.
Don't they know, it's the end of the world,
It ended when you said goodbye.
or the final lines of Aldous Huxleys "Brave New World"
"Mr. Savage!"
Slowly, very slowly, like two unhurried compass needles, the feet turned towards the right; north, north-east, east, south-east, south, south-south-west; then paused, and, after a few seconds, turned as unhurriedly back towards the left. South-south-west, south, south-east, east. …
suicide is a sad reality of our society, growing up in a regional area it was not uncommon to routinely hear news of somebodys sister or parents or boyfriend committing suicide, all people we knew and grew up with, its hard to understand but i think only good things can come from talking about it
when i said "romantic" earlier i meant more in the returning to nature aspect, and using a method so immortalised in film and stories from popular culture, a classic post-industrial suicide if you will
the tragedy of suicide has permeated the arts where the act of killing oneself is just as easily be depicted as "beautiful" as it is grusome, we all imagine our "suicide scene" just as we plan our weddings or funerals with a soundtrack, poetry, wardobe, lighting, props and timing . . . it might make us uncomfortable to acknowledge this but i think there is a truth to it
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I had a charmed life if you count emotional bondage and bullying, beatings, exploitation and ridicule; charmed? Then at 15 ... dragged from my home land to a strange one and left on the streets by parents who went seperate ways... But not before a good dose of having to endure a 'wicked stepmother,' on one side and 'raising' an alcoholic parent on the other side of my teenage.
See, I told you ... 'Charmed.'
But, you know looking back at all that fun, I never considered suicide, not once. It just didn't exist as an option in my mind, because life is here to live, to endure, to learn from.
Then, years later, (not tested enough already I guess), whilst I was delivering my second child, hell broke loose in the guise of the most appalling medically negligent doctor you have ever come across. He mutilated, botched and then tortured me for ten weeks in ways you could not have thought possible in the modern world... so bad that he then hid me from the mainstream and other doctors... but we won’t go there today, okay?
Let's just say, that the end result was a complete wreck that, when finally discovered and examined again, was told she would never be able to have children, or pain free lovemaking again '...that's it Betty, your days of amour are over.. don’t even get aroused?!'
I didn’t believe them at first because when my other daughter had been previously born with CP they told me she would never walk... but that never stopped me and walk she does.
So at first, I thought, neither would this other problem stop me either...
The point is, that I was so wrong because during those first five years of endless surgery after surgery, horrific flashbacks because of post traumatic disorder, I hit a period of absolute rock bottom where all I could see, more and more, was suicide as a way out. If I could never make love again, and would have to live with chronic pain from serious nerve damage every day, for the rest of my life ... what was to be the point of continuing my life?
I could not shake that feeling of ‘no point,’ for months and seriously started to contemplate checking out with an overdose. I could not stop crying and eventually had to go into crisis counselling full-time. Me who had overcome practically every other horror imaginable to people with ‘normal’ lives?! ...
Slowly it was my children's needs that stood out as the haze cleared, snapping me out of all the self pity and anguish, torment and years and years of pent-up grief as it broke loose through this one event. My children needed me, my baby needed me, my disabled daughter needed me. If it was God's will to limp home, 'back to base' maimed and desolate, then so be it... and like you I made a promise... to stay for my children.
They say that making the decision is half the battle over and so it was that I was shifted to weekly sessions with the dying HIV patients, as there wasn't much else available in my 'genre' of problem.
Monastery’s are full of happy people who never make love and life is full of people that make love too often, when it is not really makin’ love at all, but merely fornicating.
Twelve years on from that time and I have ‘found the blessing’ in the situation and learned much, had many operations and spiritual healings ..and am healing ... kind of well... but there is so much to go and so many flashbacks still to endure... oh don't get me started on what happens when I am in a prone position in the dentists chair!
I mounted my case and took the bas*ard to court and won some money, but that doesn't get health back, does it? Still some satisfaction ... and knowing that society agreed that if he had done to me, what he did, outside of the hospital he would have gone to jail. He should consider himself lucky not to be stripped of his privileged position in society, although he was 'shifted' to somewhere else for a long time.
Some days I am not too good, ... ((laughs)) and although death is a perfect cure for the stresses of life, I'm not sure that I like the finality of what having removed all my choices, would have done either... I don't think it's right.
Wow, It is nice to be able to talk about this stuff, openly.. (it must be Easter) ..kudos. Another milestone in my recovery... So *chuckle* ... I can now go and die in peace somewhere, peacefully... which brings me to the point of how I would choose to do it, if I was (or am yet) to decide to... um, you know... I think i would go to a really cold place and freeze to death. I am told that you get really cold and then you get really warm, and feel fabulous, just before you doze off into that land of forever-nod.
Like all things, I would have to organise it properly and on that note, am still *LM(Ears) O* at Ahmed's whacky contribution to this post!
No, it's okay, because I am not stable either, but am free of medication these days thanks to acupuncture and meditation... mind over matter, because it does matter... becuase overall I do think suicide is a waste, and because you will have to come back and do it again, until you manage to find the blessing in it all, whatever 'it' may be... and there is always someone worse off.
Lilla ...
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Many of our more poignant memories are of individuals who have sacrificed themselves to preserve the life of another. Among some of the indigenous people of America, when they got old and a drain on resources, they would walk off into the wilderness to meet their end; a suicidal sacrifice. Why then should there be moral or religious constraints to self terminate when, because of a crippling injury to the physical or mental state of an individual, death is an appropriate choice.
Airing out this topic I hope will prove to be helpful to many, although a few may think that I am unbalanced for bringing it to the surface; rest assured, I am quite normal and have papers to prove it. Thank you for your investing time to consider and post your responses.
Hi, and G’day to you as well Lilla. Your story is compelling, disturbing and very painful for me to read; it invokes rage and a strong desire for extracting retribution from this latest incarnation of Dr. Josef Mengele. I hope that a medical review board disciplined the individual, followed with some flogging and a ritual crucifixion. (It’s a seasonal thing).
To strip a woman of her ability to conceive or to bear children is to rip the very life from her person.
I am glad that you were able to use this forum as the tool it’s meant to be, and to work through some of this emotionally charged stuff. Thank you for your insights and for sharing this story. The only response that I find appropriate is to extend a hug, because words fail me right now.
Raven
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Just wanted to say....
Wow, yep, *gulp* with you there.
And thats a powerful one too.
Finally this..
Okay that is waay cooler than what I had! I still like the tall building, but you guys know how I love the cold...
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
That is so terrifically shocking and awful!!!
I am so sorry you had to endure all that, but I am so glad you got through it, and reached an even higher spiritual plain.
cheers dear one
fog
SORRY RAVEN!! Just realized I am using your blog to send a message to someone, I should have gone to Lilla's site, I will tomorrow, bit tired now.
By the way, I've read your responses, and think you have handled it all very well, you would make a great psychodramatist! I ought to know, I used to direct it myself!!
cheers
Raven
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Thank you for the heartfelt hugs and wishes, boomerang to you all and your own 'blessings' too. I know that it hasn;t been easy for many of us... but God willing, we'll all limp 'home' together, better off for the wear and tear.
Thanks again Raven.
Xox
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Raven
Comment by Troy McNaughton
Secret Sydney
God's Advocate
I don't know if anyone has bought this up, and I must admit I didn't read all the comments to this post, but… From my perspective it looks as though your main concerns are skewed towards your appearance post mortem. That just seems a little odd- to me at least. After all, if you were serious about ending your life your focus should be towards committing the act in the most convenient manner possible at the time.
My boyfriend is an Electrician, and one of his clients is a funeral home… The stories you hear can be quite traumatic! A man came in a few weeks ago; he had hung himself from a rafter in his garage. They could see from the ring left on his neck that he had not struggled to break free from his noose, thus showing how committed he was to ending his life. Other cases may come in though however where the person has struggled tremendously, sometimes to the point of decapitation in an effort to free themselves.
I guess my point is that suicide in my opinion is a personal choice… that doesn’t mean I think everyone experiencing suicidal thoughts should go ahead with it, as if that were to occur we could see the extension of the human race as we know it.
Cool post!
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I'm so sorry for what you endured. What an awful experience.
And a general hello to Raven and everyone else, I hope you're all well.
Tracy
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
That is a powerful story shared by your boyfriend; but what it fails to illustrate is that even such well planned attempts have been thwarted by unexpected intervention.
I am glad you liked the post, and thanks for making a very thoughtful contribution.
Thanks Tracy, it's good to have you visit.
Thank you all for being sensitive about this issue. Raven
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
But there's nothing on Earth quite as shameful as trying to explain to a room full of doctors....Plus your family....That Um, yeah, whoops, ok, so it didnt work and I didnt mean it and please, can I just go home and we will all forget it ever happened? ....Until I try again that is.
It took years for Kman to trust me to be left alone.
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip