tlcorbin
Y Did The Chicken Politician Cross the Road?
June 1st 2008 14:39
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Barack Obama: Change! The chicken crossed the road because it was time for the black community to get some Change! We ain’t talking about loose stuff, we’re talking real Change! The Chicken wanted Change! Then they’ll be home to roost and rule it by Change!
John McCain: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all of the chickens on the other side of the road; yea, even those commie bastard chickens that beat my ass for 5 years in the Hanoi Hilton coop, but that Hanoi Jane chicken can still kiss my grits. Don’t loose my temper . . . what @#$!ing temper?
Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that poor little chicken to cross the road, I remember that we were dodging hostile gunfire and enemy snipers during the entire crossing. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure, right from day one, that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road to escape the ravages of middle class taxation. But then, this really isn’t about me, and my decades long wait for me to get mine: the power to socialize medicine and the oil companies . . .
Colin Powel: Now, to the far left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road . . .
Condeleezza Rice: I‘m feel badly for that chicken, but if that chicken crosses the road, it’s off to gitmo… Although I am more qualified to run for president than any of the existing candidates, I can’t at this time . . . I have a life.
Jimmy Carter: I went to Iran, China and Russia on behalf of right thinking Americans seeking a solution to the road crossing chicken problem that the current administration can’t seem to handle, those nincompoops can’t do anything right . . . so, I’ll do it for them, who needs them anyway.
Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems with some Colonel Sanders outlet which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So, instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes (demonstrated when he irritated the Colonel) and to take falls, which is a part of life. I am going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not have to live his life like the rest of the chickens currently attending my all hen’s school, somewhere in Africa and staffed to by my hand picked all rooster staff.
John Kerry: I was swift boated out of the last discussion about the presidential chicken wanting to cross the road, but I won’t stand for it this time. Although I voted to let the chicken to cross the road in search of WMD’s, I am now solidly against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it . . . for now.
Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY. You can just see it in his eyes and in the way he walks . . .
Pat Buchanan: That illegal, undocumented chicken wants to cross the road to steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. Not one of the chickens gave me any useful insider information.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road, so bold? Did he cross it with an old toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why should he cross when he could be sold, for gold?
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it ‘the other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become a gay chicken too. I say we boycott all gay chickens until we sort out this abomination that the ultra liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrase like, ’the other side.’ That chicken isn’t crossing my road and should not be crossing any road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
Grandpa: Dang, in my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough to send out Bubba and his homies with shotguns to hunt that turf grabbing fowl down and tag his ass with some grits n gravy.
Barbara Walters: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious separation issues after loosing his head in a hunting accident, and went on to accomplish it life long dream of crossing the road. We’ll be back live in 5, 4 3 . . .
Aristotle: It is the nature of roads to prostrate before chickens.
Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain. Deboned.
Big Oil: He had to, his chicken mobile was out of gas and he was toting a 5 gallon can and a hose to siphon a little tank full from the Colonel, what with $4.50 per gal prices and all. Still, while Big Oil is only making 8cents a gallon profit and the various taxing agencies get from 26 to 62 cents a gallon, this chicken has got to get his feathered butt across the road to attend a rally for lower fuel prices and mandated flex fueled hybrid chicken mobiles.
Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken08, which will not only cross roads, but will also lay eggs, file your important documents, balance your check book and annoy you with bloated features that will eat 90% of your 10G of RAM. Internet Explorer is an integral part to eChicken08 and will allow you to explore chicken interiors as never before. This new platform is much more stable and crash proof . . . . @#$%!ing blue screen . . .
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? Or was there a space time continuum rift that teleported the chicken to a location somewhere across the road. Could the chicken tie his shoe laces?
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken, we did have oral non sex but did not cross the road together. What is your definition of chicken?
Al Gore: I invented the chicken and road.
Dick Cheney: Where’s my shotgun? Is that chicken a reporter? He’d better cross that damn road . . .
Al Sharpton: Why are all of Colonel Sanders chickens white? We need some more black chickens and hey, why are all roads black? We need white roads to cross too.
Colonel Sanders: I’ll pressure cook that chicken with my secret salt ingredients and pack his tasty butt in a bucket and bus him across the road for $25 and tip.
Jeremiah Wright: God damned that chicken to cross the road and come home to roost.
Enough for the day?
Raven
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