tlcorbin
Alaska..raw and untamed.
June 24th 2007 17:06
Distorted things tourists, students and lower 48’ers believe about Alaska.
1. Some (really, really high) high school students, in the inner cities of the lower 48 states, think Alaska is an island off the coast of California. That results from the habit map makers have of not showing the country of Canada, which is in contact with the lower 48 states and Alaska, their pals to the north, on maps with the contiguous lower 48 states. Alaskans fought with the governor and the state legislature over this problematic situation. It stemmed from using a discount mapping service out of Singapore.
2. Strangely, many tourists, students and lower 48’ers aren’t aware that Alaska is a part of the US. Sic, yes indeedy, we are a part of the USA. Well there is that strange group outside of Wrangle that got pissed off and succeeded from the state, the union, the one world government, the telephone-n-cable service company, and just for a good measure they succeeded from Canada too.
3. If you ask most people in the US which state is the farthest east, west and north they couldn’t tell you that it is Alaska. Hawaii is their choice for the furthest state west; Maine is the usual choice for the state farthest north and the Florida Keys or Puerto Rico as the state furthest east. Ah, no one has bothered to tell them yet, Puerto Rico isn’t a state; they are just a welfare check distribution area.
4. Tourists and lower 48’ers have come into businesses and wondered aloud if we took American dollars. Sure we do; we discount them to 75 cents on the dollar and thank them for remembering to exchange their currency early. I hate it when they line up at the bank to exchange lower 48 US greenback for Alaskan US greenbacks, it’s embarrassing.
The Alaskan way of life proved very difficult for the Penguins to relinquish, ...old habits and all. It created more that a few integration problems with the locals; but things are improving now that they learned to play ukulele's.
7. Alaskans do live in close proximity to a lot of wildlife, and spend a great deal of time in the wilds observing wildlife, it isn’t uncommon to get asked: “..so how can we tell if animal tracks or scat is fresh?” A popular answer to that question is this; "If the animal is still in the tracts or is dropping his scat, those tracks and scat can safely be considered fresh."
8. To my delight, tourists exiting cruise ships are a never ending source of surprises. A favorite first query is this: “What’s the elevation here in Juneau?” Standard reply, “..about 1600 feet above sea level.” With that response those good people will nod their heads and marvel at the wonder of it all, and that they can breath so easily at such a rarefied elevation.
9. Tourists, students and lower 48’ers are forever asking the following. Do you speak English?
10. These same tourists, students and lower 48’ers always ask about Eskimos, do they still live here? It’s an amazing thing; they disappeared about the same time the penguin herds left for South American and the time of our first UFO sighting. Well, we thought it was a UFO, no one told us about no stinking aero planes.
11. And don’t get me started on igloos. Those darn tourists, students and lower 48’ers, with all the info available to them over the internet want to know if we still live in igloos. C’mon now, everyone knows that rich California land developers and real estate moguls bought most of the igloos, shipped them to Nevada and converted them into zero lot line units and sold them all.. They supposedly made a killing.
12. A common inquiry deboarding a cruise ship: How far are we from the Ocean? Standard answer, “..oh, about 6 miles. Unless you’re walking, then it’s over 6 miles. Fortunately we have taxi service available to take you there.”
14. Tourists, students and lower 48’ers constantly ask: “Do you really get paid to live here?” The answer is usually a resounding, ..hell yes! C’mon, this one of the most expensive places to live on this continent thanks to all of the damn illegal’s sneaking into the US from Mexico. The way I see it, those folks from Wrangle just need to suck it up and get in line.
15. Another question tourists, students and lower 48’ers constantly ask: “Does it really stay dark for six months and light for the other six months?” The answer to that question depends on whether you are an insomniac or not.
16. Exchange students from the lower 48 are always asking this: “Is it true? Can you legally smoke pot in Alaskan still?” The answer: “ Sure, if you don’t mind bunking with Bubba in the local jail.” It’s not that bad in the winter, but during the spring mating season he get's a little thorny acting for a few weeks. So, I’d vote against the pot smoking action.
17. Tourists, students and lower 48’ers constantly ask: “How come most Alaskans look pale if there are so many hours of sunlight available for tanning?” Answer: Have you ever tried to stay nearly naked outdoors at 0 degrees? You got parts on your body that will withdraw into your innards and flat out refuse to return to the surface until you’re redressed and seriously heated up.
I can tell Alaskan tall tales and lies until the moose come home, these aren't even the tip of that iceberg. Do you really know what you think you know about Alaska?
Raven is asking.
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Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
Health Focus
Poetry Lighthouse
MS Paint Art
Is that your house in 2? on the river there?
Do you really wear bear skins other than when you're sunning, or are they synthetics?
What's google, no wonder I don't know where the hell Alaska is, you're no help.
From Russia, with love, oh, yes I see it there. Does this mean you are redskins or do you just eat them.
I'm sure you have your answers ready, love the little girl and the puppy dogs.
katyzzz
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
That fine abode is my summer dwelling, very mobile and functional. We Alaskans are very practical folks.
Actually we wear our skin bare while tanning. Synthetics don't function a well as natural hides, but they are easier to put on if unoccupied by their original occupant, as hides often are.
www.google.com, the doorway to information and a way of life.
We are morphing into red skinned pizza eaters, why do you ask?
We all love little ones with puppies, especially if we can send them home to mom and dad later.
I love a great inquisitioning mind; you rule.
Damo,
Stolichnaya, or as it's affectionately referred to locally-Stoli, is a quality 80 proof liquid that is superb with frozen Igloo pieces.
Stoli and friends, has saved many from the ravages of cabin fever, a local malaise here in Alaska; many, many, many sufferers.
Raven
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
Health Focus
Poetry Lighthouse
MS Paint Art
I'll come for a visit in the summer, hope that little cater for everything summer house on the river can accommodate one extra, I'll not be baring my skin tho.
katyzzz.....say hello to your wife for me, don't want any misunderstandings, especially when she'll be doing the cooking.
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
wow, most folks are put off a bit when presented with a steady diet of raw muk tuk, whale tongue and warm caribou liver served on a bed of hemlock boughs with herring eggs and rice. BTW, our seal oil dipping sauce is out of this world.
The summer house takes on a life of it's own with or without guests; it morphs to accommodate our every need. Very practical.
The not baring skin mind set is probably wise during our intense mosquito season; those little bastards are in a such a weird state of mind then. Breed or feed, feed or breed, feed-breed-feed or breed-feed-breed, or ...they can be such wankers that time of year.
C'ya you when ya get here, the missus broke out another pie tin dinner plate and mason jar wine glass just for you. Wow, she is really pulling out all of the stops in your honor.
Raven
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
All Ive ever known is mountains wildlife and COLD plus LOOOONG nights......= HEAVEN