A Brothers Reality.
June 30th 2007 18:41
Shocked at the vile hate filled images that had so callously assaulted my inner peace; I remained perched on the bedside edge, quietly – desperately trying to regain my breath, my consciousness, my peace and to recapture the love felt for that man who is my brother. So deeply primal was the searing rage that awakened me, it was a nearly incomprehensible foolishness to request anything of the guileless soul I had gone to sleep with. It simply could not respond favorably.
My brother is in poor physical health, partially the result from a hit and run accident that cost him his kidneys and the medical processes that forcibly keep him living. Spiritually, mentally or soulfully he is remarkable alive; a paragon of love, compassion, humor, common sense and easy wit that can dazzle even the most callous of souls anytime, anywhere-except for mine, last night.
Even after several cups of hot black coffee comfort in a cup, I remain baffled. What the hell was that all about?
Night terrors and nightmares have been unwanted constant post Viet Nam companions since the late 60’s, usually controlled by little capsules of sweet dreams taken nightly. I haven’t awakened in years drenched in sweat, trying to throttle my hapless pillow or spouse. Now, usually bereft of the dream state I once cherished, there is only darkness; where I once soared into dream skies on thought powered wings of possibilities, there is that damnable blackness.
Now, even that bastion of safety has been denied me; and the murderous demon called rage has been summoned forth seemingly to be loosed upon this innocent man. It won’t happen, it can’t.
The succubus lurking in the shadows called experience past has been gnawing at my subconscious; still, it’s only a dream.
Ponder this while I continue to puzzle this incident out in my mind and heart; are you able to fly in your dreams still?
Raven is asking.
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Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
No, I cannot my friend. I could feel your every word.....Some of what you described is known to me, and the rest of it flows in my blood. I have not tried to fly in my dreams for a very long time....So often I see the same characters.
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Yup familiar demons all; you are probably the singular person who, 'got it'. This was a painful sharing.
Not many spent time reading this post and I suspected that they wouldn't and I rather preferred it that way. It's the exposing of oneself issue.
Raven
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Most people shy away from things that are too dark. You should read Lisey's Story. We'll go to Boo'Ya Moon together. SOWISA babyluv
Comment by Patricia Graff
Inside my Mind
Free Speech
Kali:
I know the feeling.....Sometimes I write things, look at it, say "fuck, why did I write that?" Then go ahead and post it anyway. Then I get scared when people comment.....Cos I was expecting it to be too dark to be understood.
Me too.
Comment by tlcorbin